A Delirious Fanfic of Staggering Insight
by Nyghtvision
Summary: Like many other fics, four 'ordinary teenagers' get catapulted into the Ronin Universe. DON'T RUN AWAY! This fic is... well, delirious. Written by Caspian Nyghtvision and Rowen the Narrator, it has to be read to be believed... Rated "Quip" for flyswatters


A Delirious Fanfic of Staggering Insight By Caspian, AKA Nyghtvision  
  
DISCLAIMER: The concept of Ronin Warriors is owned by Bandai. I think. However, the minds and hearts and souls of all the characters belong to me - and all the other fans. So don't sue me, because all you'll get is an ancient computer filled with anime, a set of watercolor pencils and a well- thumbed Japanese dictionary. As for the rest of the characters: if it's mine, I own it. If I don't own it. it isn't mine. ::wanders off into Laa- Laa-Land, dragging an unwilling Rowen by the wrist:: C'mon, Ro-chan, I need you to be my narrator. P.S. - A "snork" is like a "snerk," but more so.  
  
Kayura's jittes slashed through the air in a tight and beautifully defined arc, her body immobile except for her quickly spinning bare arms. She jumped in the air and did a full split, still spinning her blades. When she landed, she did several flips forward, her jittes held away from her at an angle so that she wouldn't impale herself. (Random Kayura-Hater: She should impale herself. She killed Anubis. Caspian: . oh, be quiet .) Straightening gracefully from her last flip, and ignoring the author getting into a catfight with a random reader in the scaffolding, Kayura tossed the blades into the air and caught them in opposite hands. Then she tossed them into the air again and walked away. The jittes whistled through the air and sheathed themselves neatly in the scabbards on Kayura's back. She grinned triumphantly and kept walking out of the training room. (Random Kayura-Hater: NO! Not the flyswatter.! **muted thwapping sounds, ominous silence.**) The remodeled castle Kayura shared with the reformed Warlords was at present more or less devoid of lifeforms, except for her and a few odd growths that were quietly mutating in the fridge, and the large bull oni who was living in the cellar between the water heater and the washing machine. Note to self: Get Cale to pick up some Demon-B-Gone next time he's at the hardware store. She'd physically kicked the Warlords themselves out earlier in the morning, claiming that they needed "exercise" or "fresh air" or something, anything as long as it involved getting them out of the house. Now she had an entire day to spend by herself, doing girl things, without those pesky Warlords getting in her way! So, of course, she was bored to tears. Kayura went into her room and tapped the toes of her boots on the stone floor, eying herself in the full-length mirror on the wall. She eyed her tan and blue subarmor-like outfit rather despondently. I knew it, this armor makes my butt look fat, she cursed mentally, wrinkling her small, pert nose. Kayura flung herself onto her bed and heaved a huge sigh. I'm so damned lonely, she realized for the first time. I don't even have a pet. I should get out more. "I should get out more!" she said aloud, slamming her fist into her pillow. She ran to the closet and ditched her subarmor. Aw, why did she have to do it in the closet? The author thwapped Rowen, the Narrator, with her flyswatter. Get your mind out of the gutter. Nobody likes a narrator with a nosebleed. Oblivious, Kayura grabbed her blue jeans and her red t-shirt and slipped them on - out of view of the narrator. Then she ran like heck for the nearest Gate.  
  
~~ Caspian checks watch: "9.7 seconds later." ~~  
  
Kayura emerged in downtown Toyama with an overwhelming sense of joy. "I'm free!" she yelled for no reason at all. "I'm free, I'm free, I'm free.Hee-hee," she said embarrassedly as she noticed people staring at her. Then she cleared her throat and walked off. In retrospect, it would have been a good thing if she'd looked where she was going. But she didn't. So, as the handy little plot device I'm going to call 'luck' would have it, she crashed into someone. Kayura stumbled back, muttering an apology, and looked up at a tall teenaged boy who was looking down at her with amusement. (Now would be a good time to put in his character description, so here goes.) He had long, wild, fiery auburn hair pulled back into a ponytail with messy bangs falling over his forehead. He was dressed entirely in black and had brilliant hazel-golden eyes the color of flame. Nearby stood another boy, apparently a comrade, who was trying not to laugh his head off. "Um," said the redhead. "Sorry," said Kayura. "That's okay," he said. "I'm going to go now," she told him. "Okay with me," he told her. Kayura went. The auburn-haired boy watched her go and began to snicker. (While he does that, let's start on his friend's description.) His friend was a slightly shorter kid about sixteen years old with shoulder-length black hair and chestnut brown skin. He wore faded blue jean cutoffs and a camouflage shirt that said, "HA! Now you can't see me." He looked vaguely Indian or Native American even though his eyes were slanted like the Japanese and a surprising shade of dark cobalt blue. He was still trying very hard not to laugh his head off. Finally both boys gave up and cracked up laughing, staggering around in the street and not caring about the passersby who gave them odd looks and a wide berth.  
  
~~ And somewhere else in the city. ~~  
  
"We're lost," Argent stated clearly. "No, we aren't," Chensun snapped back. "Are too." "Are not." "Up yours, Sunny." "Don't call me that. If you call me that, that is license to kill." The two girls stopped quarreling momentarily to glare at each other. While they do that, I'll pause a brief moment to describe them. We'll start with Argent, since she so obligingly started the story for us with her clear statement. Argent was a tall, unusual-looking girl with pale skin and metallic silver-white hair that stopped strangers in the street. (The reason they stopped in the street was because she couldn't see very well through her mess of hair and smashed head-on into them. But for the sake of your sanity and mine, we'll just continue.) To picture her hair, imagine someone who just got out of bed and went on with her day without brushing her hair. Except her pillow was entirely made of steel wool, and her day involved riding roller coasters, then bunjee-jumping, and then getting noogied by a big brother. So Argent's platinum hair was, to wit, a rat's nest, and it was no wonder she couldn't see through it. Such is the life of an anime fanfiction character. Her companion Chensun was a small, slender fourteen-year-old girl with hazel skin and long silky black hair. Right now her hair was pulled back in a loose braid, except for the two pieces that were too long to be bangs and too short to be hair, so they hung freely and tickled her high cheekbones. Her most stunning features were her huge, annoyed electric green eyes with a serpentine slant and a very fierce expression. She wore a dress shirt and khakis and had a very pulled-together look. Once the author and narrator had attempted to describe them, the two girls stopped passively glaring at each other and began to rant again. "I can't believe this, our first day in Japan and you got us lost." Argent threw her hands in the air. "Excuse me? I got us lost?" Chensun practically shrieked. "YOU were the one who took the wrong turn in the subway! If we want to go east, we follow the sign that says 'east,' instead of swaggering off in the direction clearly marked 'south!'" "." said Argent for a moment. "Well, you followed me," she added defensively. "My own folly," Chensun said dramatically. "Following a girl who couldn't find her way out of a paper bag even if she had an electronic guidance system and me along." "Bull-" Argent began to say, then stopped short with a choke. The author ran onstage, clutching her Pencil of Authorship and a big red rubber stamp. The author slapped a piece of duct tape over Argent's mouth and stamped the screen several times in big red letters that said "CENSORED." Then the author went away. The two girls stood blinking like bullfrogs in a millpond. "What was my line again?" Argent wondered. "Right," Chensun said. Just then an enormous meteoroid descended onto the city and all these people perished; and there was great rejoicing among the peasants, as well as an interesting fireworks show. ::sound of flyswatter, somebody screams out in pain, author storms onto set:: THAT'S NOT FUNNY, ROWEN!! Heh heh. Sorry about that. Just then the two snickering boys we met earlier staggered into the two arguing girls. There was a brief moment of chaos and struggle with a large anime dust cloud. The dust cleared to reveal four teenagers prone on the sidewalk, looking dazed. "That was fun," Argent said cheerily, bouncing up again and swatting at the little stars floating around her head. "Oh, hey, you guys. Didn't see ya." "I guess you didn't, otherwise we wouldn't all be prone on the sidewalk." "Shut up, Byrn." Argent slapped the fiery-haired teenager in the face and he attempted to bite her. While they went at it, the other two had their own brief encounter. "You need to lose some weight, Raku-chan." "Eheheh. why is that, Chen-chan?" "Because you are sitting on me. And it is not comfortable. And if you do not get off in the next fifteen nanoseconds. I will kill you." "Hn," said the dark-haired, cobalt-eyed teen now known to one and all as Raku, who thought about her proposal for a split nanosecond before leaping off her like a bullfrog on a hot frying pan. Hey, wait a minute. Isn't that wanton and gratuitous cruelty to animals? The author walked onto the set, hands on her hips and her fingers caressing her trusty flyswatter. One more word out of you, Rowen-chan, and we'll find out the answer to the age-old question; do boys with naturally blue hair on their heads have naturally blue hair on the rest of their bodies? Right. Bullfrog on a frying pan. But that doesn't mean I think it's ethical. Shut. Up. Rowen. The four teenagers got up and dusted themselves off, shooting Death Glares at each other. (Copyright notice: Death Glares are trademark of Heero Yuy and the Gundam Wing series. These Death Glares were borrowed with express permission from Heero himself. Thank you.) "I will never forgive you," Chensun stated, folding her arms across her chest and pointedly ignoring everyone. "Ooh, hit the deck and tape the windows, Chen is mad. Pile into the bomb shelter until it blows over," caroled Byrn, riffling a hand through his long orange bangs. The serpent-green-eyed girl made a snarling, scoffing noise and stormed off in fury. As luck would have it---- ::snort:: LUCK?? Everyone saw this coming from a mile away!! Rowen, I'm warning you. (The author strokes her flyswatter threateningly) Eee. don't hurt me. As the shallow plot device termed 'luck' would have it, Chensun stumbled head on into Kayura, who as 'luck' would have it, was meandering innocently down the sidewalk. From this action, we can conclude that 'luck' is a cliché, overused little creature and should be put to bed before it hurts itself. In fact, the whole story should probably be put to bed now, as it's midnight and the author is running on brain fumes and no sleep. But for the sake of your sanity and mine, the fic WILL go on. "Eep!" The two girls balanced on their tiptoes for a split second, glaring at each other. There was a brief staring contest, during which slanted green eyes stared into purple-blue ones with thick lashes. Chensun blinked first. With a yell, they both fell, with Chensun beneath Kayura. "People are running into each other a lot today," Raku observed, blue eyes thoughtful. Argent blinked at him. "Yes, Raku, that's the point." "Point? What point?" Byrn, who hadn't been paying attention, wondered. "The point," Argent said. "You know, the point." "Which one is the point?" Raku blinked. "You know," Byrn stated flatly, "The point is the point." "Oh, that point." "Got the point?" "Which point is that?" "People are running into each other a lot today." "No, no, the other point." "Which point?" Byrn held up a finger. "This is point A." He held up another finger. "This is point B." He pointed his fingers at Raku. "That is the point." Raku knelt to him. "Yes, Oh Honorable Sensei, I see the point." "Good." "What was the point of this conversation?" Argent wondered. "Screw that, what's the point of this fic." Byrn suddenly choked on his blasphemous words and fell over. The author appeared suddenly and pointed at him pointedly with her flyswatter. Then she vanished. "Point," Argent sang, "Point, point, point." Raku made a snorking noise as the silver-haired girl began to chant. Byrn began to bang his head against a parking meter. "There's no place like home, there's no place like home." "Ahem," said Kayura, gaining everyone's attention. Beside her, Chensun got up and brushed herself off. The young Ancient looked at the four teenagers bewilderedly. They seemed so unorganized. Yet she couldn't mistake their auras of power. Kayura yelped and grabbed her hair, glaring furiously at the author. "I hate you for making me say that." "You'll live," replied the author tranquilly, her fingers poised lightly over the keyboard. "Don't tick me off, I have artistic license. And a flyswatter." Kayura paled slightly. "I'll be good." Byrn continued to bang his head against the parking meter. "There's no place like home, there's no place like home." "NYAH!" Peeved, Chensun flew at him in a tackle, pinned him to the pavement, and shook her finger at his face. "You must have been put on this planet just to annoy me!" "Don't flatter yourself!" Raku and Argent chorused in unison. Kayura shook her head, attempting to ignore them. Now, of course, she would have to bring this new batch of 'warriors' to the Dynasty to see if they could help her and the Warlords. Well, she thought tiredly, At least they aren't blatant Mary Sues. yet. "Ahem," she repeated. The teenagers stopped their irrelevant babbling and looked at her expectantly. "My name is Lady Kayura. Could you please tell me who you are?" please, please, so I can just get this over and done with. "Of course. I'm Byrn." The orange-haired teen looked up from his parking meter and smirked at her, yellow eyes gleaming. Kayura blinked. "Chensun." The black-haired girl bowed formally, her serpent-green eyes lidded cautiously. "I'm Raku. I think. Yes, last I checked, that was my name." The dark- skinned, cobalt eyed teen began to mutter absently to himself. "And I'm Argent! GODDESS OF BEAUTY AND DESTROYER OF WORLDS!!!" the silver-haired, silver eyed teen howled. She punched her fists in the air and danced gracefully into the nearest innocent pedestrian. "Look where you're going, numbskull!" Kayura rubbed her temples and went over to Byrn, who was leaning against his parking meter. "May I?" she asked. He smiled graciously. "Of course." Kayura nodded politely and began to bang her head repeatedly against the parking meter.  
  
AND THE AUTHOR RETURNS, BRIEFLY, FROM LAA-LAA LAND: Ohayo, minna! Thanks for reading! ::slaps flyswatter against palm in a thoughtful way:: Ya know, if anyone wants me to, I just might finish this. Thanks to all of you who have supported me so far **sparkly eyes** I didn't know you cared. And if you continue to care. I'll continue to write!! (shuffles around beggar- style) Reviews for the poor. reviews for the poor.  
  
AND BY THE WAY: I'd like to thank the Academy. And besides that, I'd like to thank CrescentStrata and Lady Pyro for being so supportive to this cheerfully deluded waffle, my dear kid sister for fending off the legions of mentally unbalanced squirrels, the hardware store for my trusty flyswatter, and Amanda Swiftgold for putting up with my gibbering and for putting up this fic. Jaa ne! (Caspian poses dramatically, trips over the hem of the long black cloak she is wearing, and falls down a conveniently provided flight of stairs) . Ow. Who put those there?! TALPA!  
  
~~~ CURTAIN ~~~ 


End file.
